Friday, September 15, 2006

Some humor from the Late Night guys

"In his speech to the nation this week, Bush said that we have to fight against people who reject tolerance and despise dissent, and anyone who disagrees with that is a traitor." --Jay Leno

"You are joining us on September 12th, which as you know, is the fifth anniversary of the misappropriation of the events of September 11th." --Jon Stewart

"It's been reported that Condoleezza Rice is dating a high-level Canadian diplomat. Sources say you can tell because Rice has an extra bounce in her step and is giggling a lot as she prepares for the invasion of Iran." --Conan O'Brien

"Condoleezza Rice is apparently dating a Canadian politician. It's a proud day for Canada. They're the first nation to put a man on Condoleezza." --David Letterman

"The Senate Intelligence Committee -- that almost sounds like an oxymoron -- released a report this week saying there's no evidence that Saddam Hussein had a relationship with al Qaeda. Thank God we found that out before we did something crazy." --Jay Leno

"Last night in his speech to the nation, President Bush called for unity among all Americans unless, of course, you're gay, a Democrat or live in a blue state." --Jay Leno

"The president's speech was a performance that was as redundant as it was perfunctory. Clearly this president, even without a lead, is running out the clock. Say what you want about his presidency, but after that speech, it is now 15 minutes shorter." --Jon Stewart

"The latest polls came out and President Bush's approval ratings have dropped another 3%. In fact, he's so unpopular that the Democrats are going to have to work really, really hard to screw up this election." --Jay Leno

"Today is a very solemn day -- the fifth anniversary of 9/11. It's a time for the nation to reflect, come together and watch TV. What better way to commemorate a national tragedy than turning it into a mini-series?" --Stephen Colbert On ABC's Path to 9/11:

"The original title was 'Sheiks on a Plane.' This is controversial because apparently, it's very heavily slanted and it blames 9/11 on Bill Clinton. It makes Bush out to be a saint, which is kind of ridiculous because if Bush is gonna be on any ABC program, it should be Lost." --Bill Maher

"The new Senate report that came out today said there is no evidence that Saddam Hussein had ties to al Qaeda before we invaded Iraq. Tony Snow, the White House spokesman, said this is just another partisan attempt to denegrate what administration officials worked so hard to pull out of their asses." --Bill Maher
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