Thursday, June 30, 2005

DeathTrap Speeches

Today seemed like a fine day to share some funny 'death trap' lines..;o)
Admit it, we've all been there & planned the speeches. Even if it was for our bosses & never rendered.


"In exactly one hour, a powerful suppository will be injected into the anus of the elephant suspended above you. By the time my lesbian ninjas have outed the president, you'll be buried under a thousand pounds of dung!"

"And since you'll be driven stark raving mad by the Mr. Softee jingle within seconds, I might as well tell you that in five minutes, I plan to reveal to the world that professional wrestling is… fixed!"

"Before my slavishly devoted gorilla 'Charles' inflicts a fatal wedgie upon you, I'll have you know that I've secretly replaced all of American Idol's contestants with… even less talented doubles!"

"Mine! The world's supply of the revolutionary hair removal gel Nad'sTM is mine! ALL mine! And all you can do is pray that my toothless, geriatric great white shark gums you to death quickly!"

"I hope you're not afraid of the dark, because once I seal you inside this barrel of singing maggots, you'll LEARN how to be afraid. Oh yes. It will be quite an education."

"I don't expect you to talk – I expect you to die! But all I have is this length of dental floss, a boot, and a tray of deviled eggs, so it will take TIME! BUT YOU WILL DIE!"

"If you don't tell me EXACTLY each of the 11 secret herbs and spices, then I will be forced to make you wear this sandpaper thong and live La Vida Loca until your thighs explode!"

"See how my laser cuts this delicious rump of corned beef into succulent, paper-thin slices? Think about what that would do to your shoes, or your glasses, or yes, even that prized belt-buckle of yours. There are no depths to which I won't plunge in order to get what I want!"

"I can see you're very hungry, Ms. O'Donnell. And you're only going to get hungrier. So now's the time to ask yourself: which cheeseburger is flame-broiled and which is flame-enabled?"

"Before we administer the 20 gallon enema of boiling mercury, I just want you to know what a real thrill it's been working with you. I really admire your professionalism."

"Yes, this forced viewing of the nonstop 'Gimme a Break' marathon WILL slowly liquefy your cerebral cortex! And let it stand as a lesson to all interlopers who dare futz with my remote control settings!"

"One by one I will cut off your appendages and fax them to the police – and while their backs are turned, that pair of old sneakers dangling from the power lines will be MINE!"

"At the end of the pendulum is a crisp new sheet of oak tag which, when it reaches your bare torso, shall paper-cut you to your doom!"

"While my fashion-victim assistant Repulso forces you to model the entire spring line of the Skidz collection, I'll be successfully pilfering the city's entire supply of SnackWells!"

"Um, you stand over there and die and shit, and I'll, um, you know… be all evil."

"While your entire body is coated with Wite-Out, causing your pores to suffocate, you'll be powerless to stop my assault on our nation's patio furniture industry!"

"You won't dare to be seen in public with that temporary tattoo of a butt on your forehead, leaving me free to shoot my way onto the set of Hannity and Colmes and sing my original song, 'Love is a Mile of Smiles!'"

"They all said I was mad! They were fools! Unless they meant mad about 'smores, in which case I stand corrected."

"The industrial-strength Metamucil tablet I dropped into your wine will keep you on the toilet just long enough for me to transmit my evil message to every last nefarious ham radio operator on earth!"

"So ends our deadly game of emu and platypus..."

"This is the compound where I hunt the most dangerous game of all: man. I'd hunt bunnies, but they're just too cutesy-wutesy! Isn't that right, Mr. Snuggles? Isn't that right? 'Oh yes it is!" says Mr. Snuggles!"

"Now if you behave, I'll let you, in a twist of irony, push me into the very vat of boiling cranberry sauce into which I intended to push YOU!"

"Citizens of the world: this is your new tyrant speaking. Make me a sandwich, please."

"These Chihuahuas were abandoned at birth and raised by piranhas. They'll start at your toes and by the time they've finished, the entire world will be dancing to my evil polka!"

"Before nailing you to this cross, Mr. Christ, I just want to let you know that this rag-tag little cult of yours is but a passing fad!"

"Before this giant Ginsu knife turns you into sushi, I'll have you know that the Prime Minister is at this very moment being photographed with his illicit harem of gerbils!"

"Before I lower you into the cage of fork-tongued telemarketers, I'll have you know that I've removed the caffeine from the world's supply of Mountain Dew!"

"At the stroke of midnight, this pit of Rice Krispies will begin slowly filling with milk. While you're being snapped, crackled, and popped to death, my robots will be at the UN – flushing every toilet at the same time!"

"Once and for all, Mr. Claus, I was not "naughty" in 1993. Your impudence is intolerable – which is why my operatives are at this very moment ensuring that a homemade explosive awaits your fat ass in every chimney in Cincinnati!"

"Before you take the stage tonight, I shall broadcast your true ages and sexual orientations to the audience, and watch in glee as you are angrily trampled by hordes of dejected adolescent girls!"

"As I watch your plasticized form disintegrate in the Orange Crush acid bath, I'll shout from the rooftops, 'It's over LaToya! Now it is I who wear the gilded crown of ultimate freakishness!'"

"I may not be evil, and I may not be no genius, but I sure as hell won't stand by while Mister 'I need to see some I.D.' makes a fool outta me and my girls! Fry, you sumbitch! Fry!"

"You and your little Brooks-Brothers-wearing, investment banker buddies won't last long when I tie you up and feed you to the jackals in the unemployment line!"

"Before I seal all the exits to this Kenneth Cole, I'll have you know that the store is full of punks whose drugs will wear off just in time for them to note their surroundings, become agitated, and attack you and your floor managers with high-priced leather belts and messenger bags!"

"Within minutes, the cows will have licked through your salt chastity harness to the tender flesh beneath. Meanwhile, my armies of halibut will mass beneath Ice Station Zebra to deliver the final death blow!"

"As these giant, congested bronchial tubes smother you in a mentholated wheeze, know that my jock-strapped zitherists are forcing an impromptu and very fatal concert on the Washington Mall!"

"Contemplate, as the magnesium 'grandmother' knits you into a tea-cozy of blood, the triumph of my Doomsday Lotto, filling millions of cards with violently useless numbers!"

"Your aerobicized deltoids are no match for my cable empire, you aging tart! I'll tomahawk-chop that smile right off your face!"

"As I deposit you in the wilds of the Serengeti, allow me to remind you that gazelle are not as friendly as they appear! Especially… MUTANT gazelle!"

"Just because I wear hemp clothing doesn't mean I'm a nice person, so lay off the groveling and die at the hands of this poisoned mochaccino, Yuppie Scum!"

"Before your head sinks below the surface of the vat of oatmeal, I'll have you know that I've replaced the fine coffee normally served at Dunkin' Donuts with… LIQUID CRACK!"

"Finally… all the glitz and glory that is Atlantic City is mine, Mr. Trump. And now my hunchbacked lackey Steve will spin the Roulette Wheel of Death to which you're hopelessly tied. C'mon lucky Red 9! Death By Tickles! Death By Tickles!"

"Before duct taping your face to this concert speaker, and imploding your brain with a high-decibel Muzak rendition of the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, my Mechanical Menace will hypnotize a generation of teens and force them all to eat Pop Rocks and pound Jolt cola at the same time!"

"What a fine banquet you're about to prepare, Mr. Lagasse. But won't the guests be surprised when they find out their meals are made from human fat? Your fat? Bwah-ha-ha! Intrepid henchman! Seal the lid to the giant George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine… and don't forget to collect his sizzling drippings!"

"And now, Ms. Somers, before I throw the switch that will render you forever allergic to peroxide, let me be the first to congratulate you on your lovely new fifty pound THIGH CELLULITE implants!"

"But before you suffer punitive banishment to the farthest reaches of the employee parking lot, feel free to beg futile forgiveness for having DARED touch my Swingline stapler!"

"And while you're rotting in an unmarked pauper's grave, know that I'll be living large on your forfeited billion dollar ransom of untraceable Wal-Mart coupons!"

"I apologize for seeming rushed… my giant robot with nuclear warhead-tipped nipples needs a quick tune-up. But I think the seventeen sticks of dynamite I've lit and taped to your ass, plus the closing walls of spikes, should kill you dead enough. Don't you?"

"And if you so much as even THINK about escaping, then act on that thought, and succeed spectacularly, your actions will no doubt delight the summer blockbuster test audiences who consistently thrill to cringe-inducingly hackneyed plot structures!"

".... oh, forget it. Just go home, before I change my mind."

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Blueprints for the Ark

3rd day of rain here.. I'm feeling rather squishy & my fingers are pruning. Last evening there was 2 ft of rain on the cross streets near here. Had to be a ft of water in the low areas of our lawn. Enough! The mosquitoes will be big enough to carry us away if this persists.
I found myself plotting my shower in between lightning strikes, last night. Damn the shampoo!

I have managed to finish reading a book a day, so the steady downpour has been good for something. And I've written a review for SpiritWorks. That counts..
And get this! My diet is still intact. (must be the effects of the falling barometer)
And I've continued the exercise routine for (gasp) 3 days.
HAS to be the power of negative ions.

I did the Sacred Path cards today. When I feel puzzled or stymied about what's going on in my life, I try to do those cards. They use Native-American symbols & the readings are always so close to what 'ails' me.. it's eerie.
Today my question was about the 'trifecta'.. the house/job/TN triad. And the message came back, 'Everything is right on schedule' & 'Release it all to Mother/Father God'.
Well, there you go. I felt so much lighter & freer after 'hearing' that.. I can't tell you.
Sometimes that's all we're looking for; a reassurance that God is in Her heaven, & all is right w/ the world. Perhaps it's that we miss our parents saying to us, 'Be patient while I untie the knots..'
Or a reinteration of the scripture, 'Be still, & know that I am God'.
Or even a rendition of Mama's old adage, 'Shut up & listen!'
Whatever works..

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Summer Day

Oh my, yesterday was a lovely summer respite day. It rained buckets (which we needed & as long as it's not tied to a hurricane, I can take it) So indoor activities became the notion of the day. I started my usual 'Monday' diet.. which should play out by this evening.. & I can restart it next Monday. Oh willpower, thy name is not Sande.
Then I proceeded to do a 30 minute floor exercise program. This decided after I took a gander at the photo my daughter took of me walking into the Gulf last week. NOT a pretty picture. And if someone tells you a floral swimsuit will take away from childbearing hips.. be a nay-sayer! So w/ the blasted picture emblazoned in my head, I did the obligatory crunches & leg lifts. I've named my thighs Auntie Beulah & Auntie Ruby. They are about as spry as those names imply. But lift they did.. & then they were put to bed on the couch, so they could rest.
I'm reading a time-waster book by Nora Roberts, 'The Reef'. Totally predictable & mind numbing, but that's the purpose of beach-reads, right? One can't be delving into the spiritual & psychological 24/7. At least an hr has to be delegated to brain-freeze.
The Aunties properly rested by the prone position, I assisted them to the slouched/sitting position & proceeded to watch movies. "Coming Home'.. the 1978 oscar winning film w/ my heroine Jane Fonda & a much younger/better actor-at-the-time, Jon Voight. (He has since deteriorated.) Anyway, the whole premise of the movie could've been about todays angst over the Iraqi fiasco, rather then VietNam. Amazing how history just keeps on repeating itself. And dick-tators just keep getting elected to presidency.
Great flick.. 4 bags of popcorn! (that's symbolic.. I truly didn't eat them)
Later I watched 'Touching the Void', true story about young mt climbers who almost buy the ranch while climbing in Peru. Intense & adventurous. Tired the poor Aunties out..
Everyone needs these summer respite days from time to time. Mini vacations in your own home. No guilt allowed! Beulah & Ruby thanked me for the retreat.. & I thanked them for their support lo these almost 6 decades. It's the least we could do for each other..

Tuesdays woes Posted by Hello

Monday, June 27, 2005

Monday's Muse

Sorry to be away so long.. but we had a happy week w/ Angi, Loren & the kids here. Discovered a little more of FL by going to Kennedy Space Center. Lots of testosteroni in that place.. but still interesting!

Unhappy news front.. blazing headlines about Bushit getting us back into the nuclear race by producing more plutonium. Funny how he can't find funds to keep Big Bird or Bert & Ernie around, but has unlimited bankrolls for death & destruction. People! When are we going to wake up & realize that this man needs to be goose-stepped into the Hague for crimes against humanity??!
As for myself, here's hoping I get eliminated in the 1st rain of fallout. Who wants to be left living w/ this moronic embicile?

Happy news front.. the polls are predicting Bill Nelson will kick Katharine Harris's beehind in a run for the senate.. yay! Little Miss Entitled, dtr of a cattle barron, silver-spooned, Tammy Faye Baker make-up wannabe.. deserves a little come-uppance.

Happy Monday.. & don't ask me why blogspot added all the space in my political cartoon entry. Building intrigue, perhaps? Whatever..

This goes along w/ Miss World's Friday thoughts.. Posted by Hello

Friday, June 17, 2005

"All things work together for good.."

That's the beginning of a scripture I had to memorize as a child.. & one of the few that still work for me. No condemnation or guilt ride in that one. And it's come to the fore this week, as Dan & I have been working thru the details of moving to TN.
We're waiting for the magical trifecta.. the house here selling, the house there accepting an offer, & the job for Dan. And when we're feeling particularly torn or anxious.. this scripture has come to mind.
We wondered why the 1st house we chose there, did not work out for us. But as it turns out, it gave us a whole new perspective on what we truly DID want. We were too willing to take 'anything..' in the beginning.
We wondered why the house here got a slow start on the market, knowing that most homes have sold the same day they are listed. But then I realized that it wouldn't do to have just 'anyone' buy the place. I went thru the rooms blessing them, thanking them for welcoming me w/ open arms 4+ years ago, and praying that the next people who occupy her will be just as happy & blessed. This felt like a great 'let-go' to me. To release an abode w/ love & hope.
We wondered why the original job in Knoxville didn't carry out as we thought it should. Seemingly, it just went into ether space. But now we see another opportunity for employment in a little town not 15 min away! And to that we also say, 'If not this, then something better..'
We are learning not to limit the Universe by putting all the 'gimmee this/ gimmee that/ gotta have' bargaining tools into the mix. We can have desire w/o expectation. We can tell God what we'd love.. knowing She may agree, or have something entirely different & more gratifying in mind, if we are just open to receive. That's the key.. being open to receive whatever a benevolent Universe would bestow on us.
Sometimes the most fervent prayer is the simple word.. 'Whatever..'

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Time Flies..

I was emailing my dtr today & the date hit me. 41 yrs ago today, I woke up a fresh, demure & blushing bride. I had married on June 15th, 1964. A quiet little ceremony in my brothers home. The wedding march played on an accordian (egads). My bridesmaid a 12 yr old sister, the best man 16.
Barbra Streisdand sang 'People' that yr. The Beatles had come to the U.S. Presley was in his blown-up blimp days. Viet Nam was becoming the hottest locale on earth. Ah, youth.
But back to waking up 41 yrs ago. Here's the rub.. I was still a virgin! Hello? No one had explained to me that 'THAT' was to be a part of the marriage deal! What the SamHill was 'that' all about? I expected marriage to be like going steady.. only you lived together. I was completely aghast that slot A & peg B would EVER enter into such affairs. Naive & 15..
I held to my beliefs & clasped knees for another 2 weeks, before I gave up the battle.
'Memories light the corners of my mind..
Misty watered colored memories
Of the way we were..'
(And wishing I weren't..)ha

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Book recommendation

I just finished the latest book by my favorite Author of all time, Anne Lamott. Titled, 'Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith'.. a MUST read! For those of you who have read her previous books, 'Traveling Mercies', 'Bird by Bird', et al.. you will adore this one. Anne is a left wing liberal white woman w/ dreads, who has suffered thru the human malady and arrives to us in full & funny measures of grace. She is a single woman raising a teen-age son, near San Fran. Having discovered religion late in life.. she still has issues w/ her thighs (she lovingly calls her 'aunties', Mary & Margaret) and MAJOR issues w/ George Dubyah. What's not to love??
She makes me realize that we will survive all of this, & we can even find moments to be grateful and to smile, in the interim.

I hope you read it, & regain a little hope.

The way it's being done..;o( Posted by Hello

Monday, June 13, 2005

Finding My Voice

I am firmly convinced that sometimes the largest changes comes in the smallest of incidents. Maybe it's in the proverbial 'the-straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back' or just a happenstance that puts you in the right place at the right time, to step out & speak your piece.
All of my life, I was taught to be seen & not heard. To respect the opinions of others before my own. To be tolerant of people &/or events that might not be to my liking, because after all.. it wasn't MY liking that mattered anyway.
The religion I was raised in, began at a tender age to teach that we were lower than worms/ that we came begging to the throne of grace.. unworthy.. full of original sin (damn you Eve)/ that it took someone dying for us, to even give us 1/2 a shot of redemption. And even that 'salvation' could be lost on any given Saturday nite, should you have a little lust in your loins.
I married a preacher's son at 15, which continued that conditioning that I had nothing of value to say/to think/to do/ or to add to any situation. I was a childbearing chattel (& got in frequent trouble for bearing all those children!)
Now, fast forward to mid-30's & I'm starting to grow up a little here. Starting to ask questions/ seek creative answers/ seek enlightenment/ search other avenues.
Fast forward to mid-50's (don't you love time travel?) and I feel rather adult about most areas of my life. But for some reason, it's still not easy for me to 'confront' when a situation calls for it.
All of this verbage to say this.. today I confronted! We had some new mattresses delivered, & the delivery guy didn't want to take my old ones away. Everyone knows it's common courtesy for such a thing to happen. He just didn't want to do the extra hauling away. He said, 'I can't do it. They can't be resold'.
I say, 'I'm not asking you to resell them, I'm telling you that I was told you would dispose of them'.
He said, 'I'll put them in your garage. I can't take them.'
I say, 'That's not acceptable. Call your boss.'
He calls his boss & grouses, grumbles & complains. Now here's where I would've backed down in a former-life. I wouldn't want to put anyone out or make them look bad. I would end up renting a UHaul, & doing it all myself (or worse, have Dan do it)
But I held my tongue & just listened to the whine in the background.
And what do you know, the little man hauled away the old mattresses.. just as I had been promised.
Small victories on a personal level. It may have meant nothing but an added pain in the ass to him, but to me it spoke, 'I am woman, hear me roar!
Haul that mattress, now close the door.'
hehehe (a little power goes a long ways)

Friday, June 10, 2005

What IS it all about?

Due to a severe lack of anything profound on my mind today (I'm blaming it on the falling barometer & a late nap), I'm using part of an article I read in a new environmental magazine out now, called 'Yes!'.(Printed in Bainbridge Island, WA; the content is always good).

So Swami Beyondananda says it's time to declare all out peace. Declare an Emerge 'n See. Get away from the dogma-eat-dogma world class fear trap.
He says it makes sense to take up arms against warfare.. lift up your arms & embrace anything that nourishes peace. We have met the Saviour & he is us!

"Hold this vision with me please: Leaders of the Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindus, & Buddhists too, all doing the Hokey Pokey.
They put their whole selves in.. that is commitment. They pull their whole selves out.. that is detachment. They turn themselves around.. that is transformation.
What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about??"

Thursday, June 09, 2005

End of the book..

One last comment on the Fonda book. Humor me here.. the woman was my idol for so long. And only now am I discovering that we had the same fears, angsts, relationship malfunctions, & hair issues! I think we may've been twins separated at birth & 10 yrs.
Towards the end of the book, after she finally sees Turner in the light of day.. egads, what took her so long?.. she is finally freed up for self-discovery. She returns to her kids, her grand-kids (who Turner had kept at bay, because of his fears of abandonment & petty jealousies).. She 'falls in love with herself all over again'. Now how sweet is that?
I had the same task set in front of me when I lived in Kirksville, America. I was culturally stranded, emotionally absent, relationship jettisoned, & all around a really lonely girl. For 3 years I delved further & further inward until I could find that sad-eyed little 5 year old who had been stuffed aside for lo so many decades.
And when I found her, I communed with her; I asked her what she wanted for me.. for 'us'. And she just wanted me to remember what it was like to be in love with her (with 'us') again. The gauntlet was thrown!
I was in my own bedroom by this time (having left the marital bed before it was even made). So I surrounded the 2 of us.. Sandra/Sande with all the things we loved.. music/colors/books/knick-knacks. Then I went thru all my old photos & found all the ones where I was truly smiling (not faking it), & feeling Joy. If there was a man connected to my hip in it, I cut him off. I went to the store & bought the most lovely frames I could find. After all, they would be surrounding 'My Beloved'. I lovingly framed them & put them EVERYWHERE in my inner sanctum. On the walls, on furniture, leaned up on the floor, my room screamed 'I LOVE THIS WOMAN!' And watching myself smile in the photos, I discovered the smile on my current face. When my 'husband' would ask to come into the room for one thing or another (& I did require him to ASK), he would look around bewildered. I'm sure he wondered what narcisistic she-devil had entered into this person he thought he knew for 18 yrs.
But I needed that daily reminder that I could be happy again. That I was worthy of all good things. That 'Joy would return in the morning'. And it did.
As I became strong enough to leave the loveless marriage, because my inner Love had given me newfound verve & stamina for new life goals.. I walked away. Ok, I RAN away as quick as my new body would carry me. Falling in love with me had created the same endorphins as are experienced in any new relationship. Because of it, I exercised, ate well & lost 50#. I was the lean, mean, happy machine! And when I relocated to FL, I started to open the boxes with all the smiling pictures in it, prepared to put them all around me again. Only, it didn't feel right. I was 'whole' now & didn't need the reminder of happiness from the past.. I had Joy in every moment!

And one last interesting co-path walked w/ Fonda. She started out her spiritual walk in a christian charismatic church. She needed that experience for the literal 'high' that comes w/ that particular form of worship. It is addictive; this I know, I lived it. But then as she grew in her self-knowledge & seeking 'more', she outgrew those constrictive dogmatic 'rules'. She was chastized for her political outspokeness. She was manipulated & condemned by a patriarchal system of the christian church as it is today. And so she found herself moved by the metaphysical side of spirituality, & became a Universalist.. well I'll be dad-gummed. One smart cookie!
You Go Jane.. Run Jane Run.. preferably for public office.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

And the cinematography award goes to..

I'm watching a movie recommended to me by an ex-in-law. (How lovely to have friendships with folks who don't divide up family like spoils, after a divorce!)
The film came out in '97, called 'The Education of Little Tree'. The story of an 8 yr old part Cherokee orphan who goes to live with his paternal grandparents in southeast TN, during the great depression.
The storyline isn't all that, & the acting is on the par with a high school play at best.. but the eye candy! The beautiful Smoky Mts in all their glory, at all seasons of the year, in their pristine state.. wow.
So if you want to see where I'm moving, & probably 'why'.. rent the flick. James Cromwell plays the grandpa, & of course Graham Greene, the token native-american of every movie that called for one, is in it.

How wonderful to see clean, clear skies.. knowing that they are soon to be no more. Not with the fox guarding the henhouse. i.e, the EPA director.. aka 'big biz guru' that is selling the country down the global warming tubes, by convincing the White House that there's nothing serious happening with those old car emissions. Just more junk science.. now get in your Humvee & 4 wheel it up the sides of those mts.
Cut down the trees & put up a parking lot..

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Our Fathers.. Ourselves..

I am almost finished w/ the Jane Fonda autobio, 'My Life So Far'.. & I'm loving it all. I grew up (granted, a belated gowing up period; I was too busy having babies to grow up until my late 20's).. but I grew up emulating my heroine Jane. We shared the same birthday for one thing, so I understood her fiery passions, & dealt w/ her shared feelings of unworthiness & distance from loved ones. I even copied her infamous shag haircut of the '70's. And it was so cool, in a mellow mullet kind of way, that I may just resurrect the damned thing! Jane did all the dissident activist sorts of things that I would've loved to have done.. had I not been in a 4 point mental restraint of being married to a redneck, mom to 1/2 dozen kids, & a Sunday school teacher X5 classes per wk! You wanna talk dogma? I can meet your bid & raise you in spades. ;o) I had ole King James memorized. And used it for whatever purpose suited me, just as the far right is doing again today.
Back to fun w/ Jane. I wanted to speak like her & Jane Pauley.. so I worked at losing the OK drawl. Quite successfully I might add, until I've had a couple of drinks.. then it sneaks back up on me. Much like eating a big pot of ham & beans..

Jane discusses at length, her restrained & aloof relationship w/ her dad. They never knew quite how to reach out & connect w/ one another. He was at a total loss for being close to anyone or anything, other than his craft. And he never understood the angst she felt at his dismissal of her feelings & attempts to close the gap. When she would try to speak to him about wanting to have a true Father/Daughter relationship, he'd make light of it.. opening old wounds & creating new ones.
Daughters have such work to do w/ their fathers!
I was my Daddy's pet for the 1st 13 yrs of my existence. 2 sisters born after me, never got the attention that I did during that time. Then a funny thing happened.. puberty. And he dumped me like a cold potato. In hindsight, I know that he was freeing me up for male attention in other realms.. but I wish to God that the man had talked to me about it! Because forever after, my love relationship patterns were set by that chasm.
I knew better than to trust someone to love me unconditionally 'forever', because look at what Daddy did.. he left me. I'd be sure & break up w/ the guy 1st, so he didn't have the chance to do that number on me that Daddy did. I learned to cut & run when the going got rough, because that's what worked for Daddy.
I never heard him say 'I love you'.. I only recall being hugged once after the age of 10.. and yet, I know in my heart of hearts that this man loved me; I just have to look deep for it.
Perhaps that was his gift to me after all.. that I would search inside & discover my truths. Not trusting what is just said or demonstrated outwardly, but finding the true worth in how I feel about myself.
Jane Fonda found some closure w/ her dad while making 'On Golden Pond'. The words truly came from her own experience when she pleads w/ him, ' Why are you so mad at me? I just want to be your friend..' & he says to her, 'I just figured we never liked each other much.' He died 5 months after the making of that movie, & in ensuing conversations w/ his friends, she discovered that he was always talking to his cohorts about how wonderful she was. Go figure..
And in Ethel Thayer's wise words, we learn that forgiveness usually has to come from the children, because the parents are just too set into their own life struggles.

My father died in 1983, & I still miss him. By the way, I forgive you Daddy.. Happy Father's Day.

Monday, June 06, 2005

The Pain of Selling

There is not one part of my body that doesn't ache/throb/sting/& just plain hurt. 3 solid days of working on this blasted house & yard, getting it ready for some realtor to pass judgement upon. I think when I hear the words, 'Might just need a little paint, hon..' I may just go ballistic on her MLS.
Dan has worked just as hard as I have, but that doesn't count.. because he always works hard.. ;o)
My pain is a whole new realm of experience here. For the most part, I'm a 'princess' & those duties include supervisory skills (& getting out of doing the manual crap). But we were under the gun, so to speak.. so I pitched in. Good god, I have sweated in places that don't even profess to have sweat glands. It has been 90+ degrees & 90% humidity.. need I say more?
I started mulching early this morning. The job itself can be done by a chimpanzee; but the back gets hit when you have to drag the rain soaked bags across the yard & rip the steamy thing open w/ at least 1/2 dozen tries. Way too much heaving & ho-ing.
But 50 bags later, I can say (as I lay supine w/ my back in traction) 'Those gardens & borders are covered in cedar chips!'. Now, if we get rain or a wind comes up, it'll all be for naught. Perhaps I should get the camera out now..
I noticed the garbage men looking at men funny as I dragged my wooden burden around the yard, but they always look at people funny, don't they? Like they are accusitory for all the waste you have dumped on them in this lifetime. However, when I went in to get a drink of water, I looked in the mirror, & it looked exactly as if I'd peed my pants! Apparently the sweat had all decided to roll to the groin area. Ewwwww..
I certainly hope that all the work has been worthwhile & the place will sell quickly! Think good thoughts for that end result.. & a rapid healing for this old body.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Back at the Ranch..

Home again.. at least temporarily. Having signed a contract offer on a new place in Tennessee, I'm already feeling homesick for my 'new' home. Does that make any sense at all? Just driving into the township of Tellico Plains, I felt a kinship with it. The strength of the mountain ranges & the old hardwood trees.. felt like a return to some ancient homeland. And being a former Cherokee village.. I'm sure that struck a chord with some distant part of my DNA. We are all interconnected with our past/presents/ & futures. Isn't it interesting to think that all time is in this present moment. That it's not 'linear' the way we're taught as children.. but omnipresent. Mind boggling. That Einstein was quite the thinking guru.

Ok, back to TN.. originally called by the Cherokees, 'Tenn A say'. White man always screws with pronunciation (look at how Dubya has set it back 200 yrs). Even the city Chicago, was originally pronounced 'Shick a go'.. much more chic, if you ask me.

I've decided to join a club in Tellico Plains on the Cherokee Studies! Cool, huh? I'll be their token blonde, & I mean that in it's derogatory form.. I know so little about my heritage. But I aim to learn more! My Polish-descent dtr-in-law is learning the Cherokee language.. so I should at least show as much interest.
Trivia point: Cherokee leader Sequoyah penned the 1st written language for Native-Americans. Cherokees were the 1st Native-Americans to go to a formal school.
Sad trivia: When Cherokee children were forced to go to the white man's school they were beaten if they spoke or wrote their native tongue. One learns english quite quickly that way..

I am loving this time of New Beginnings. I am ready to sink my hands into the clay, to squish my toes in the mud (the way my mama always encouraged me to), I am ready to make a walking stick & hike into the woods (acting braver than I really am), I am ready to sit on a huge veranda porch sipping iced tea and gazing at the mountain ranges in the distance. Ahh, sweet peace.. thy name is Tellico.

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