- Name: sandegaye
- Location: Tellico Plains, Tennessee, United States
I am a spiritual being having a physical experience. I love delving into the inner world & learning all I can about why I'm here & where I'm going. My mother, now transitioned to another plane, was a Cherokee shaman. She taught me the meaning of 'Namaste'.. meaning 'I recognize the God in you', and 'Nokomis'.. meaning 'Walk in Beauty', a Navajo term, that tells us to walk in balance with all of earth. My father, also transitioned, was a fun-loving Irishman who taught me the joy of risktaking, traveling, & living life to its fullest. I have hopefully taken the best of their offerings in forming the 'me' I am today. I am the mother of six, grandmother of five, stepmother of 2 more & step-gram for 6 more. My cup is full & running over..;o) My goal is to live 'juicy'!
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Off on an Adventure!
We'll be gathering new info, pics, tales (true & untrue), recipes, and may even start a contest or 2 on the website;
upon our return..
I will miss my plethora of reading fans out there.. Ok, you Debra.
Take care & keep the monitor on for me.
Monday, May 23, 2005
Monday's Prose & Woes
Checkout www.truthout.rg/docs_2005/052305Y.shtml An article by Steve Weissman (& a wiseman he is).. on the futures of Neo Cons & Theo Cons. And how the freaking 'cons' are conning us out of our futures.
So to counter balance my anger pool, I had to go back & reread some Bushisms. To think that this complete moron has the world in a testicle vice grip, just blows my mind. And that dark comedy fills the rest of the cesspool w/ some much needed levity.
In case you've forgotten some of his classic one-liners (meant to be taken in complete seriousness), I'll replay a few:
"Iran is not Iraq!" This was probably a prompt sent to him from Conde Rice & he accidentally repeated it aloud.
"Too many good OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country." Ah, I beg to differ. I've worked w/ a lot of OB/GYN's who are doing just that, while their clients are up in stirrups, no less. Practice, practice, practice..
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." Until those damnable fish pick up an AK47 & blow us all away, I guess.
"Reading is the basics for all learning." Hooked on phonics are we? You is the basics for all this world hatred toward us.
"There ought to be limits to freedom!" And we sure know you put the kabosh on any future freedoms. You are the limit, Dubyah.
"Anyone who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating." Whoever thought you had the IQ of your shoe size, was overestimating.
"Rarely is the question asked: 'is our children learning?" I would leap to the thought 'no, they is not'. But you're right, rarely are that asked.
"A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier." Well, that explains everything. Real easy for you now, huh Bubba?
"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein." Would that be like playing an air-guitar??
"I think we agree, the past is over." C'mon now Georgie, is it really over, or is it over there? Or over there? You can't fool me!
"The illiteracy level of our children are appalling." That just goes back to that rarely asked question. Maybe we should ask it more often. Or maybe you should just take up reading.
"The woman who knew that I had dyslexia- I never interviewed her." Whoops, the cat's out of the bag. Not only about your dyslexia, but your tremendous lack of knowledge on any damn thing is totally evident, everytime you open your piehole.
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." You sure that's not Halliburton's bill, that you're passing on to the taxpayer? It's got a lot of numbers on it too, Einstein.
"A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness." We could use an anecdote about now, a good joke is hard to find in this economic morass. But I think you're a little late w/ the 'illness' thought. i think condolences are in order.. that dog done died.
"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." I'll bet it is. That's a mighty big word for a pea brain like you, little man. So you probably did the right thing in alienating the world against us. At least they no longer have to pretend to listen to your 5 yr old mini-mind pontification. Can you say that word? Do I need to break it down to baby syllables?
"I'm a patient man. And when I say I'm a patient man, I mean I'm a patient man." Are you suuurrre that's what you mean? I think you're wife is a patient women; she believes in brain-death reversals.
"Poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to not be rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill." Oops.. that eliminates all your soldiers there, good buddy. I don't think there's a rich one in the bunch. Watch out for those live grenades Shrubster.. I'm not feeling the 'love' growing for you these days.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Sunday Morning Comin' Down
I haven't picked up the paper yet, so I have no idea what atrocites are in the offing today. Which magazine is being blamed for the latest prisoner abuses.. what sacrificially camoflaged lamb is being sent up to cover up the sins of the Misleader, you know.. the typical crow we're forced to watch others choke down while the FatCats dine at the pig trough.
I did see a little of Laura Bush's insane trip & the travesty it is creating. What was Georgie thinking?? That he could send over his 'expendable' wifie-poo, let her take the heat for him, maybe even catch a bullet meant for him.. & look what he'd gain! Worldwide sympathy, a reheating of the American anger-at-the-world, & perchance a new hot tamale in his bed that won't drolly slam him on nat'l TV as 'Mr Excitement', while she bemoans her fate as a 'Desperate Housewife'.
Win, win, win..win, sorta.
It makes about as much sense as his pre-emptive strike policy.
I also thought it strange that she would be over in the world's oldest civilization arena, proporting the values of her ideas of women's rights. I'm sorry sister, but you have to lay a foundation of Human Rights, before you can start pushing for a single sector of a group's rights. We have to learn to respect & understand the individual, & then the group. It's not a choice of 'Love you.. will tolerate you (as long as you do what I say).. don't care for you much.. don't like the clothes you wear.. downright Hate you!.. and haven't even considerd how I feel about you..'
No, it's a case for "Namaste".. I recognize the common god in both of us.
I think Hafiz, the Persian poet said it best.
"If God invited you to a party
And said, 'Everyone in the ballroom
Will be my special Guest',
How would you treat them when you arrive?
Friday, May 20, 2005
The mental & emotional 'rapes'
And so I went back thru a bit of time, thinking about the many 'small rapes' that I had personally gone thru. Not the blatant, actual ones (Because they DO happen within the so-called sanctity of marriage, you know. It's just that in Oklahoma, it's not illegal), but the subtle insipid & sometimes most harmful ones. These don't leave visible marks or scars.. they leave the kind you don't see. The ones that build up emotional scar tissue, creating a wall that will withstand all manner of love, forgiveness, or caring.
And in my inner meanderings I saw myself as the 16 yr old I was, seven months pregnant w/ my 1st child. I had been married for over a year, & this was going to be the best thing that had come out of the past yr of insanity. I was walking to my mom's house. I didn't drive until I was 21, so I walked everywhere. I was so proud of the mystical magic of what was growing inside me. It terrified & amazed me, all at the same time. I knew I was on the precifice of life never being the same again, as I neared my due date. And my mind pondered all these wondrous thoughts as I walked past the schoolyard, on my way to my moms.
A motley gang of probable 12 yr olds stood at the fence of the school. I smiled at them, because it's what you're trained to do in Oklahoma. You smile, you play 'nice'.. you assume the boys aren't all animals. And they sneered at my projected tummy, and yelled out, 'She's been had!'
All of a sudden, my magical enchanted spell was broken. This lovely being in my protective womb.. all the God-given chemistry that was taking place to create a perfect child.. was something to be embarrassed about. I placed my hands on the sides of my swollen belly & walked faster towards my mother's house. My shoulders hunched downward, where a few moments before, my wonderful waddle was a source of pride.. now I walked the humiliated 'girl-who-had-been-had'.
I never quite got that innocence back again.
Words are strong things, but they only affect & stay with you, at your behest. We give power to them, & they can make or break us. At 16 I didn't know I had that power. I was too busy giving it away to everyone else.
As teens, we try on many 'labels' before we hopefully find the ones that suit us best All too often those 'labels' are given us thru the ignorance & cruelty of others. "You're clumsy".. 'Why are you so stupid?'.. 'You'll never be able to do that!'
And in our tender psyches we acquiesce and sorrowfully say, 'Ok, I guess I am.. I guess I can't.. I guess you're right'.
That's what happened the day of that small rape when I was 16 and on the brink of motherhood. They stripped me of my burgeoning pride, they told me I was less-than, they made me feel 'dirty', they caused me to feel embarrassed & sorry for the baby I carried, they made me want to apologize for walking past their hallowed halls, they made me wish I wasn't me. And I never even put up a fight..
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
She tells it like it is!
Help! I'm covered w/ Dust Bunnies!
Therefore, I persevered & tackled the dragon.. ok, dust bunnies.. but like Jimmy Carter's adventure, they had TEETH and they ATTACKED!
After the hernia-producing box moving, it was rather fun getting into the rhythm of treasure hunting. Discovering love letters not seen in 4 yrs, pictures of family not seen in decades, and baubles & bangles that I once thought I couldn't live without. This is where the therapy comes in; you know what? You can live quite well without 90% of it. So I went about seeing what my grandkids might want, what might sell in a 'moving sale', & what-the-heck-was-I-ever-saving-this-for??
Ahh, the incredible lightness of being when one can 86 a lot of crap. Material & emotional.
My closet is immaculate. My living room, unfortunately now has a dozen fully-packed boxes, to be hauled to the garage.. until we can haul it to a storage unit.. until we can haul it to a new home. Now what was that I said about traveling 'light'?
Oh well, I have a helluva clean closet!
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
A Few Good Things..
But in today's paper, I actually saw a couple of 'good' things. And felt the need to celebrate their happening.
#1) Someone is suing the Bushit administration over the abstinence program & it's wanton waste of taxpayer millions. A program taken from an evangelical institution which has it's co-horts take a vow of no-sex but a whole boatload of Jesus, & wears the silver ring to show proof of the switcharooni. I guess there's no abstinence available for Jews, Muslims, Hindis, Native Americans, etc etc.. Without the Jesus pledge, you may as well.. go screw yourself.
#2) The ACLU is suing the police force in Melbourne, FL for harrassing anyone anti-war, anti-Bush. They film them at all protests, while leaving everyone else alone (as in 'Support our Troops' rallies). Once again proving that our flag-waving friends have taken the symbol & made their own rightwingnut 'logo' of it.
#3) The Supremes have decided it's legal to transport wine over state lines. There goes the ole state monopoly.. hehehe
And makes reading the daily news a tad more palatable. Sipping during some articles & chugging during others.
Someone send Dubyah a Fun w/ Phonics tutoring tape, & let's get him involved too!
Monday, May 16, 2005
Or brush thru Tigger's wanton mane & tell him, 'You'll like living with 6 kids, I swear..'
Or feel Puki's light taps on my butt (because it's his signal to go outdoors), only to say to him, 'I truly don't think they sell you to Chinese restaurants..'
And now that I have Tabitha eating snacks out of my hand (after 4 yrs! of being a 1/2 cat).. let her know that 'It's back to the Big House for you, sweetheart'.
No, there are no such options when you love your companions. You don't get to send your children back, & you shouldn't be sending your pets back.
I had noticed some random wheezing this past yr, but it came & went. However, with the leaving of my job, & being with the cats 24/7 I went into a fullblown attack, non-stop productive coughing, wheezing, congestion, the whole nine yards. Not relieved by any allergy meds, or over-the-counter cures. And goodness, can't even go to the doc for help since we have no insurance now. But I'm thinking it's probably a life lesson, & I'll develop some immunity as time goes by.
Needless to say, it has me vacuuming more, & washing my hands more after playing with them. This too shall pass.
In the meantime, I carry a box of kleenex & make sounds like a barge moving thru a narrow canal.
And did I tell you that cats are the only animals known to eat their 'people' after they've died? Lovely.. the things we do for those we choose to love.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Then leaving the downtown area, I see a band of probably 10 kids (ages 18-30?), carrying a huge rainbow flag & sporting brightly colored signs that say, 'Follow Us to Gay Pride!' & 'Honk if you're Gay!'. All totally having a grand time. They were about 5 miles from the auditorium that Gay Pride is being held in today.. so I trust that their jaunt was a successful one & they didn't face any of the taunting right wingnut Baptists along the way.
Sarasota's 1st Gay Pride Parade!! And I got to witness it & cheer them on!
Here's to G/L/TG pride! Parent Pride.. stay strong! May that flag of acceptance & tolerance ever wave.
Why not us?
Reading more & more about the protesting of the unjust war and uncivilized occupation of Iraq.
Riddle me this.. why is it just the Afghanis & Pakistanis are protesting??
Why aren't we in the streets (we who are in much less danger of being shot down, and more able to get our points across to the media & consequently the 'powers-that-be')?
It makes it more clear than ever that the Gulf countries are fighting 'for' their homeland. And we are no better than the Third Reich.
God help us all.
Friday, May 13, 2005
But you get the gist of trickle-down happiness.
There is probably enough 'wastage' (is that a word.. who cares?) in the U.S. today, that if we had a mind to, we could ALL quit our jobs & be doled out a couple thousand per person per month (all mortgages & rents controlled/ all products prices frozen) & live quite happliy. Giving free vent to our creative urges, & growing by our wits. Wait a minute, that smells a tad like Communism.. or in the least, like early Christianity. (Where the rich had to sell out & everyone shared from a common till)
Well I'm sorry then, I can't help you after all. But I can hum this little ditty for you & trust that you'll know I think only good thoughts for you as I TGIF my way thru this part of my life..
'Slow down, you're moving too fast
Got to make the moments last
Just trippin' down the cobblestones
Life I love you
All is GROOOOOOOOVY..
lalalalalla.. feelin' groovy..'
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Thursday's Child Has Far to Go..
I chose to walk my 3 miles this morning.. handled some corespondence.. then opted to read some Randy Wayne White in the backyard. But after 15 minutes there, I've come back indoors again. To put it mildly, I felt like a bit of a voyeur.. yep, squirrels 'do' it, birds 'do' it, even squirmy little geckos 'do' it. And I felt like I was cramping their style, or they were grossing me out.. take your pick. Isn't that why they make bushes & trees? Take it to the wildlife motel, buster!
Now indoors, out my window I see the incongrous sight of 4 ducks waddling right down the middle of the road. Do they plan on paddling the drainage canals, or do they have a pool in mind? Whatever, I don't want to watch too long, lest they decide this the perfect spot for a bit of duckling-making. And if you've ever seen ducks procreating, it's not a pretty sight! In human terms it would be called gang-banging. The poor female barely escapes drowning while the males grab her neck & wale away, one right after the other. This knowledge comes from living in an apt w/ duck ponds..
Sad facts for today; Cheney gets away w/ mayhem in not having to name names (aka Kenny-boy) in his energy meetings/ Federov got the boot on American Idol/ and tonite is the finale of The Apprentice. (Hate the Donald, love the show)
Happy facts for today; I'm still soaring w/ the freedom of my unemployed state/I have made plans for an Artwalk Downtown, Reggae on the Bay, & Evening on the Ca D' Zan Terrace/ and I am loved.
Nothing could be finer.. (unless it's a cabin in Caroliner?)
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
In the news today I see that Tom Ridge has come out with his true confessions that the terroist 'color alarm' system was a ruse of the government.. YA THINK? He said he had to raise & lower the rainbow flags against his will, simply to flaunt the fearmongering power of a 'color' for his fearless misleader.
Well now aint that special.. the Devil made him do it.
Needless to say I'll be glad to be rid of the ridiculous system. I got tired of waiting for 'good' colors like Mauve (be very afraid!) Chartruse (I'm not kidding!) Brick ( No fear, just a confusing color in the Crayola 48 series) or Peach (yes YOU honky.. duck & cover!)
Is there anything to take seriously about this administration anymore? It's been a farce since the get-go. And even as the Shrub gives a speech on the darling democracy of Georgia, someone throws a grenade at him. I guess it takes awhile before Freedom of Speech comes to the fore. But then, we've lost that right as well, what with Murdoch and the Shock & Awe Boys of Clear Channel & FOX. So maybe it's just a meaningless platitude anyway.
Here's something to do for fun on a calm & tranquil Wednesday. Do what Dan & I did.. go to your local Ace Hardware store & purchase a huge ax. Don't say a word, just keep a maniacal grin on your face the whole time your checking out. Stroke the blade as you wink at your spouse.. It'll keep the employees talking for hours.
Then come home & go after that dead tree stump like billy-hell.
Any way you chose, have a super Wodenstaeg, you hear?
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Charity Begins.. where?
My own choices have changed over the years. 20 years ago I was faithfully supporting a group out of NYC who supplied food & beds to runaway kids on the streets. It was a time when I had teen-age kids of my own, & the thoughts of them being in a strange, sometimes hostile place, without a place for their basic needs to be met, was horrifying. Granted, these are 'runaways'.. they made a conscious choice to be away from home (for good or bad reasons) But who among us hasn't run away from some event in our lives?. And they were KIDS.. & deserved someone who cared. Later on, my own children would bring home 'throw-away' kids.. whose parents had disowned them & told them to 'Get lost & don't come back!' I couldn't take them to raise, but I could make sure they had something to eat, a warm bed for a couple of nights & a listening ear. And so this charity became my cause. When I married later on, my husband was appalled that I was just 'throwing money away' at these people when I had no idea where it was really going. He couldn't grasp the fact that my 'intention' was pure, & no matter where it went, I expected God to bless the efforts. Rather like giving $ to a homeless person on the street.. you just have to trust your instinct, that what you're giving will be a blessing for that person. Even if what it's buying is a bottle of booze, so that he can make it thru the day. Who am I to judge?
Over the years & after many moves about the country, and having kids that grew up & moved on.. my charities have changed. Now my thoughts are more local.. like the Humane Society. I like to buy food & toys for the future adoptees there in the kennels. Have you seen what they have to sustain an intregal part of their growing minds & bodies?? NADA! Dogs who would love to have an old blanket or towel to chew on, much less a real chew toy.. have nothing inside those cement 'cells'. Kittens whose play is as important as any aspect of their nurturing, are left to bat around milk bottle caps. That's it. And so we started providing some of these 'extras' for the local 'pound'. Now I'm thinking maybe we're ready to do more. Perhaps we should be volunteering for a wk-end a month.. to go & interact w/ the 'lost' ones. To clean cages, to romp & run, to scratch behind ears. My only fear is that we'll want to bring them all home. (And I must learn the true meaning behind, 'less is more' ;o)
I encourage everyone to be a part of making the world a better place for our displaced pets. Even if you can't send supplies, or volunteer at a local shelter.. just click on this website & let them do it for you.. for free!
www.theanimalrescuesite.com They'll even send you a daily reminder via email to click each day. Takes seconds & helps immensely.
One of the greatest joys in life is being a part of something larger than yourself. Get out there.. be a part!
Monday, May 09, 2005
I'm doing the laundry while whistling a happy tune. I've lost 3# in 2 days & I think most of it was just the wt of negativity. I am soooo enjoying this flight!
I watched the Russian Prez on 60 Minutes last night & was filled w/ joy that some nations actually have a LEADER at the forefront.. & incredibly jealous.. because we have a monkey-man at the helm. Someone save us! Adopt our country as your 'cause'.. puh-leeze.
Local news.. we have a 3rd term representative. GOP Donna Clarke in the state legislature here in Flor-i-duh. Get this.. after all her lacksadaisical time swatting mosquitoes in the State House, she has managed to pass one bill w/ her name on it. We now have a law that says the 'orange' is the official fruit of FL. Boy! Do I feel safer & saner, now that I know that hot potato got passed into law!! Takes me back to the old childhood joke; 'Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?' And I'm certain that Ms Clark is more than happy that she didn't indeed, say banana. Bring out the Second Coming type for the newspapers.. ORANGES ARE THE STATE FRUIT! PRAISE THE LORD!
I had to laugh at the Runaway Bride (GA) confession; 'We lived together for 18 months & never had sex, and I knew it wasn't going to get any better.. so I ran away' hahahaha.. RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
Maybe she will be comforted by the fact that this is Nat'l Masturbation Week/Month/Year (thanks for that breaking news, Debra). You don't need no stinkin' groom, little woman. Some 'C' cell batteries will see you thru. And you won't be in counseling for the rest of your life because of it. Granted, there aren't many friends who buy you a wedding gift when you purchase your 1st vibrator.. but your true homies will at least throw in some nice oils & a candle or 2.
I can't believe this runaway-bride story has captured nat'l/internat'l news couriers everywhere.. while our soldiers are dying NEEDLESSLY everyday. But go figure the hearts & minds of a far right wingnut country; they're so easily bored. Yesterdays corpses are just a blip on their radar screen. On to the next great salicious scandal.
Or to internet news.. what the heck is the thrill of SHOOTING an animal via your computer?? Some lame farmer in Texas has a 30-06 rifle set up, & for $14.95 a mo, you too can aim it via the internet & kill a hapless deer (or whatever poor animal ambles across the pastureland)! He says he created it for quadriplegics who no longer have the thrill of killing something. Well, you know what? They no longer have the thrill of intercourse either, but no one seems to think they should impale some unsuspecting girl via the internet, for those missed pleasures. This is just a poor excuse for allowing unlimited 'killing' & feeling no remorse, because it's so distant. Rather like current video games where one can maim, disembowel, kill, slaughter, dismember.. all in the name of good clean fun! Cause it aint real is it?! The damage it's doing to your psyche is VERY real.. the hardening of your spirit & mind is VERY real. We even teach our soldiers to kill via video-games. Makes it a piece of cake when they hit the streets of Iraq.. or does it? We'll find out more as the yrs pass. When minds & emotions are forever haunted. I watched it happen to my own generation thru VietNam. You will see it in yours thru the Gulf Wars.. lives & families forever changed.
Oh my, I seem to have gotten off my cheery subjects. But that's okay.. at least I'm not ironing uniforms!
Have a happy Monday, y'all.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
HAPPY MOMMY's DAY!
"I have known strong women in my lifetime.
Women who have shown so much courage and grace
Women who have held everything together under all the pressures of life
And who did so beautifully
Women who have sacrificed so much for the happiness of others
Women who have given so much, tirelessly and without complaint
Women who have raised their children all on their own
Women who have put their dreams on hold to help their children achieve theirs first
Women who have battled their own addictions and won the fight
Women who have beaten the odds when they were told there was no hope
Women who have broken the abusive cycle and lived to tell others how to do the same
Women who have fought bravely and given their lives for our freedom
Women who have taught children simply because they want a better future for them
Women who have given up a child in the hopes they will have a better life with someone else
Women who have worked hard all their lives and never taken no for an answer
I am amazed by strong women everyday
I am proud to be the daughter, daughter-in-law, niece, sister, cousin, granddaughter, and friend of incredibly strong women
I hope to one day be as strong as they are
And live up to the legacy that all strong women have left behind them
And pass it on to the next generation of strong women!"
I found an obscure little piece in today's paper that hit me to the quick..
Knowing that so few people will read it, when it should be plastered as a headline in every newspaper around the world!
This is the entire article, sad to say..
"U.S, scientists say they have detected that Earth is absorbing more energy from the sun than it is emitting back into space, throwing the planet "out of balance". Researchers from NASA, Columbia University, and California's Lawrence Berkeley Nat'l Laboratory made the discovery after plugging data from satellites and buoys into ocean-study super-computers. The energy imbalance was detected by precisely measuring ocean heat content over the past decade. A report on the study, published by the journal Science, says the imbalance is an expected consequence of global warming due to greenhouse gases and soot, which block Earth's radiant heat from escaping into space."
There you have it! The Bushies call it 'junk science'.. we will call it the 'end of the world'. It's no longer sci-fi, my friends. We are in Mother Earth's agonal last breaths.. and it's happened waaayyyy quicker than anyone thought it ever could!
Saturday, May 07, 2005
And now that I'm a 'free' woman, I will do just that.
I am breathing freely for the 1st time in a year. I am UNEMPLOYED!
But hopefully not un-thinking. It's time to get my life back on track. In all realms. Body/Mind/Spirit. I have let too much get by me, under the ruse of "I have to work, therefore, I have no life". I am taking my life back!
So here's the plan, Sam.
For the Body.. I will start exercising regularly. (I have become soft in the name of 'I-don't-have-time')
For the Mind.. I will start to read intelligently again, & begin to study Italian again.
For the Spirit.. I will start laying groundwork for the Retreats we have planned in the great piney woods of the northern mt country.
Ahhhhhh.. life is good & getting gooder all the time.